How to free yourself from social pressure? Willem Vos has some ideas

Social pressure is everywhere. How can we cope with this strong, often invisible, force? Researcher Willem Vos has some ideas. We are hostages. Free yourself!

‘We are all susceptible to social pressure’, says Willem Vos, a social work researcher and psychologist who helps students who are struggling with loneliness. ‘There is a hierarchy we are afraid to fall from: dropping out of school, losing a job, not being able to vacation as often as our friends. We live in a society that divides people into winners and losers, based on achievements and status.’

Shame, perfectionism, fear of failure and the overwhelming digital culture

Social pressure is often invisible. What to study, how to behave, what to wear? We often make choices without realising they are shaped by friends, family, society and culture. For students and younger people, the mental toll is huge. A 2023 study by the Trimbos Institute, a Dutch institute of mental health and addiction, found that students are struggling with mental pressure more than ever. Surveying 28,442 students in higher education in the Netherlands revealed that shame, perfectionism, fear of failure and the overwhelming digital culture contribute to feelings of stress and social pressure.

‘Students tell me: I opened TikTok and suddenly three hours had passed. My whole evening gone and my brain felt dead’, Vos says. According to him social media plays a big role in fuelling pressure, but the reality is more complex. Vos argues that economic instability, environmental crises and an uncertain job market also contribute to the collective stress.

So, how do we escape this cycle of comparison and expectations?

‘I can’t deny the negative effects of social media. We are social creatures, we naturally compare ourselves with others. But on social media, that mirror is often distorted. Our brain is taken hostage. The brain is a bridge between our inner and outer worlds, and social media disrupts that connection.’

So, how do we escape this cycle of comparison and expectations? According to Vos, a healthy external environment starts from a healthy inner world. ‘Before reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, please take a pause. What is your first thought? What are you telling yourself?’

Willem Vos advocates for shifting from competition to empathy and cooperation

He encourages students to reflect on what makes their lives meaningful and worth living. ‘For many in the Netherlands and the Western world, the answer is money, vacations, packed schedules, and high status. In parts of Africa, Asia, the Caribbean, and Eastern Europe, the answers might be totally different: health, family and strong social ties.’ The point is, Vos says, to acknowledge different influences and consciously decide what success means to you.

Vos advocates for shifting from competition to empathy and cooperation. ‘There are so many homeless people, people whose parents are addicts, people who are unable to work due to physical or mental disabilities. How can we help and understand them? How can we stop seeing them as a burden on society?’ He encourages students to consider empathy, respect, and appreciation in their relationships, at university or in the workplace.

You might consider an even simpler rebellious approach: don’t be afraid to get bored

So, next time you get paralysed by FOMO, the fear of missing out, why not embrace JOMO, the joy of missing out? More students are already setting boundaries with social media. At parties, they drop their phones at the door, choosing real presence and connection. Vos suggests an even simpler rebellious approach: don’t be afraid to get bored. ‘Daydream. Go for a walk. Sit at a bus stop and just observe the surroundings.’

Picture: Willem Vos explaining (photographer, Tábata Vilches Maldonado)