Once Addicted and Homeless, Now One of the Best Students

Sifra will soon receive her diploma. For her graduation research, she scored an impressive 9.7. Quite an achievement for someone who was addicted and homeless not so long ago.

‘Veendam isn’t a bad place to be homeless. I quickly found a few people who let me sleep and shower at their place. But I never stayed long; I didn’t want to be a burden.’ Always on the move, Sifra preferred to be outside, on the streets. ‘A bit weird,’ she says, describing the girl who roamed around Veendam from 2017 to 2019. ‘A cheerful, bouncy type with braids and glitter.’ She made an innocent impression, but she wasn’t. ‘That’s impossible. An addict always needs money. You have two choices: either crime or selling your body. I absolutely refused to do the latter.’ So, she resorted to stealing and dealing.

‘I had nothing left – no home, no money, no education, and no trust’

In 2017, things had gone terribly wrong. Sifra was in the first year of her Social Legal Work (SJD) studies. ‘I had passed all the first three modules. I only needed one more point. Just one.’ But that never happened. ‘I had nothing left—lost my home, lost my money, no education, and no trust. I trusted no one and nothing. Maybe someone at school could have helped me, done a bit more than they did at the time, because I did speak with my study advisor and even the dean. But whether more involvement could have saved me, I don’t know. I was difficult to approach, full of mistrust, angry at everything.’

‘I was heading towards rock bottom, and maybe I needed to hit it’

Her boyfriend was already addicted when Sifra started dating him at sixteen. At first, she didn’t even notice, but soon he dragged her into a downward spiral of worsening trouble. ‘The first time, I barely felt anything. ‘Great,’ he said, ‘then we can start using together.’‘ She moved from soft to hard drugs, first weed, then ecstasy, followed by speed, coke, crack, and heroin. ‘Though I didn’t learn their names that way. In Delfzijl, they called it ‘blacky’ and ‘whitey,’ which sounded much more innocent than it really was.’

Sifra’s mother noticed her daughter was getting worse. ‘She tried her best. But when the problems got too big, I simply couldn’t live at home anymore. No, I don’t blame my mum at all, nor my dad. I was heading towards rock bottom, and maybe I needed to hit it in that phase. I was searching for freedom. And knowing I had nothing left to lose gave me a strange sense of freedom.’

‘I didn’t want to run into people who had said I’d end up badly’

Sifra was three and a half when her parents divorced. Her father was a musician, and her mother worked as a receptionist. After the divorce, she lived with her mum during the week and her dad on weekends. Things didn’t always go smoothly. ‘Call it a turbulent childhood,’ says Sifra. ‘I was used to taking responsibility from a young age. I had to, that’s how it felt. Doing part of the household chores, looking after my little sister—that was just normal for me.’

She was eighteen when she fell short by just one point in her SJD course. She had turned her back on her boyfriend, who had squandered everything and more. Her mother had been forced to kick her out, and Sifra headed to Veendam, away from Delfzijl. ‘I didn’t want to run into people who had said I’d end up badly, that it would never work out for me. But I was in a bad way. It may sound strange, but I was terrible with drugs. When I used them, I had to vomit, but when I didn’t use them, I felt sick as well. At my lowest point, I weighed less than 50 kilos, which isn’t much for someone who’s 1.74 meters tall.’

She didn’t want help. ‘In a rehab clinic, you’re in a closed environment. I know quite a few people who came out and quickly relapsed. I was convinced I had a better chance of quitting in the real world.’ Sifra decided to gradually reduce her drug use. ‘In the reverse order of how it started. So, I quit heroin first, then coke, and so on, ticking off the list.’

‘I have hyperfocus – once I set a goal, I won’t get distracted’

It worked. ‘I kept telling myself: I want a normal life. A normal life! That was achievable. I knew I could reach it. It was a goal I could focus all my attention on, and I’m really good at that—I have hyperfocus. Once I have a goal, I won’t get distracted.’

It took months, but once Sifra was clean, she managed to find a small house in Appingedam. Her mother lives in the same neighbourhood.

Her parents supported her attempt to start over. ‘They had one condition: I had to earn my own money as soon as possible. A few months later, I had three jobs in hospitality—one in Delfzijl and two in Groningen.’ She’s still working, even during her studies. ‘I chose Social Work because I wanted to use my life experiences in a positive way. I want to help others.’
Next month, Sifra will receive her diploma. During her studies, she also followed the Hanze Honours Programme. ‘For three years, you take extra classes. It’s all about good planning because the classes are often in the evening. But I made it work, and I see it as a success story.’

‘That time on the streets was a period where I learned a lot’

Sifra learned the most from the Fantastic Failure Lab, which teaches students to embrace their failures, as the Honours Programme describes it. ‘I saw my addiction and homelessness as a failure. I nearly didn’t make it through. But it was also a time when I encountered many things I could learn from. And I used those learning experiences to pull myself out of the vicious cycle. In the lab, I learned how my fear of failure had influenced me and how to deal with it differently. In a more positive way! I also need to show myself more compassion: sometimes I have to be less hard on myself, a little kinder.’

Through the Honours Programme, Sifra gained new skills. ‘I became a guest speaker, did presentations at the IMC Weekend School, and during the last national Honours Congress, I even gave a workshop. Not bad for someone who never dared to speak in front of groups. Now I actually enjoy it!’

‘I feel like a nerd, but in a good way, I really tried to make the most of my studies’

For the research that she and her thesis partner conducted in Social Work, they received a 9.7. ‘Not quite a 10, though. What can we learn from that?’ she laughs. That there’s always room for improvement, perhaps. ‘I thoroughly enjoyed the course. I feel like a bit of a nerd, but in a good way. I really did my best to get the most out of my studies, and that hasn’t gone unnoticed. Sometimes I went a little overboard with studying and had to find a new balance. When I commit to something, I give it 200%. I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved: I’ve grown and changed. And what’s really important to me is that I’ve made my family super proud.’

‘Regret is a strong emotion, but we need to move forward’

Sifra wants to study Orthopedagogy, but first, she has to complete a bridging programme. She spent the whole summer studying maths. ‘My last lesson was eight years ago, so I had a bit of catching up to do.’ It’s going well—she’s confident she’ll pass the maths exam.

Sifra speaks easily about her turbulent past, but she doesn’t dwell on it. ‘Regret is a powerful emotion. But I tell myself and those around me: why look back when we can move forward? Yes, we can always move forward.’

 If you have the feeling that you or someone close to you is suffering from an addiction you can reach out to the VNN (Verslavingszorg Noord Nederland).