Students of Groningen: ‘Never saw myself as fat boy’

‘I never thought of myself as a fat boy. But teenagers can be very cruel. They have no idea how harmful and destructive their words can be. I got to a point where I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted by my own body. So, I started to reduce my food intake drastically. I felt tired and dizzy all the time. I even lost most of my friends because of my acquired permanent grumpiness. My parents found out something was wrong. They would always have their eyes on me when food was involved. They forced me to eat. I knew they were not going to leave me alone, so I gave them what they wanted. I started eating again. A lot. Then I would go secretly to the bathroom to get rid of all the guilt and disgust inside of me. I felt like a genius for my little secret to fool everyone. I think the hardest for me was the day I saw my mom devastatingly crying because of me. It was more than I could take. I decided that it was time for me to stop. I made peace with food and have been doing sport once I got stronger. Sport has become my refuge. But sometimes I feel it coming back. It scares me very much. I don’t want to come back to those dark days of my life. Everyone believes that this happens only to girls, but they couldn’t be further from reality.’